Oh, dear.

Genuine Ken.  Where to begin.

This is a show on TV that really exists.  It’s the search for the “Great American Boyfriend,” hosted by some Hills girl named Whitney Port.  Filmed in Los Angeles, it’s a reality show that thinks there’s an American boyfriend ideal.

Which is sad.

Boyfriend:  male person who one is romantically involved with.  One may break up with or marry this person, depending on circumstances.

There’s not really an ideal here, like there would be for a doctor or engineer or bartender or architect.  These are measurable positions, and even then to an limited extent.  A boyfriend is a man, a person, a human, looking for a partner.  There is no perfect boyfriend.  Or is there?

This show thinks it’s figured out the American Boyfriend.  Telling that it’s focused on “KEN,” the longtime boyfriend of Barbie, who features prominently in the show.  We all know the social mockery Ken is faced with.  No genitals.  No manhood.  While manhood should not be focused on genitals, Ken is a symbolic and true neuter.  No balls, no dick, just a random bulge and a single-toothed grin.  Hair plasticized to the head, Ken’s main breakthrough was his gay outings, such as Earring Magic Ken and the hot DJ Ken, Blaine.

Ken has always been a girls’ fake man, a controllable, safe, unhuman thing.  Barbie lacked nipples and gash, true, but as a tool for the projected imagination of little girls, Barbie didn’t need them.  We knew what they were or would grow into them.  Barbie was a promise, a plastic tool to dress in our neuroses, multiples of which portrayed our many personality quirks and lived out psychotic tendencies.

Nicki Minaj calls gay fans KenBarbs.

What’s with this generic construct of an ideal boyfriend?  No, you can’t be a stoic emotionless wallet/ timeclock puncher anymore.  You must be sensitive.  But not too sensitive, or you’re gay.  But you must know fashion.  And you must neg the babes.

“Wow, I’m surprised.  What you just said was actually pretty smart.”

While this schizophrenic mental play has been forced upon women for centuries, I can’t take any satisfaction in the plight of manhood today.  The concept of gender definition has to be acknowledged by everyone no matter their status.  The ways we relate to one another in terms of gender are breaking down and being rebuilt by a generation of powerful women and openly ambiguous men.