So you know my friend Miss Rotten Frosting, yeah?  She’s not just any old baked good.

She’s a special creation, a knitting, rollerskating powerhouse of feminine energy.  Check her out here, teaching you how to make a scarf via the good folks at W+K Entertainment.  She may suffer from a bit of internal conflict, but her heart is pure gold.  Let me show you how to make your own Miss Rotten Frosting Tribute Idol.

First, get some sexy boots.  You CANNOT make a cupcake costume without the right boots.  If you disregard this rule, you go to hell when you die.  No purgatory can save you and no prayers or good deeds will help.  Wear New Balances with this outfit and have weevil pus dripped in your eyes for eternity.  So get the boots and make a cupcake over the top of it.

The best thing about making a Rotten Frosting : we run the skill gamut from easy to intense, but the initial ingredients are all cheap and excellent!  No bummer pimp hat costing you fifty bucks.  Just fun props from the dollar store.

The cake part is easy as cake.  It’s an entry level costume job.  You need:

Two differently sized hula hoops

Camping Pad- cheaper than foam from the fabric store!  Get it from an Army Navy or a big grocery store.  You can spend as little as $20!

Garden gloves- the bigger, the better to emphasize the cartooniness

2 pairs of SAME COLORED pantyhose or tights, color relevant to flavor

Fun noodles (note:  Noodles must be fun; somber noodles are not appropriate)

Jump Rope

Heavy needle and strong thread

Wire- floral wire is OK!

Zipties

Suspenders- thick straps and strong clasps to hold up a camping pad!  Rainbow suspenders are extra joyful.  Expect to pay around $20.

Belt- use an old belt you can cut up. Cheap vinyl ones are good– leather’s going to destroy your scissors.

Yes, honey, that one is perfect.  Let’s make cake, shall we?

Cake is the base.  Use the hula hoops to encircle your camping pad in funnel-shape with a cupcakey-angle.  Please note—if you lost me with those directions, you will NEVER MAKE IT AS A CUPCAKE CREATOR.   I’m sorry, it’s just true.  Find a cardboard box and be a Catholic communion wafer for Halloween.

Use the floral wire to loosely stitch the cupcake cake together.  Then tightly, tightly, ever so tightly, sew the exterior of the camping pad together with an upholstery needle.

If you’re doing a last minute Rotten Frosting, come back later.   Move on to the frosting (instructions coming tomorrow; go get your ingredients NOW!).  You have drying time to think about.

Miss Rotten Frosting’s arms are made of fun noodles.  Fun noodles are hollow, so you can easily cut your jump rope in half and run the rope through to the end.  Leave the handle on the jump rope.  You’ll be hanging on to these inside the costume (arms crossed over your chest) and pulling them to make her arms move up and down.  That’s right.  When you put on your Miss Rotten Frosting, your arms will be enclosed in the cake.  No holding drinks.  No steadying yourself while tottering around on those sexy boots.  No one said being a cupcake was easy.

So one end of the noodle-arm is inside with a handle.

The other end needs a hand.  Tightly tie the rope to a piece of plastic about five inches long.  You want the rope inside to be taut, so Miss Frosting’s arms respond quickly to your jerks from inside the cake.  Since the large hula hoop isn’t needed to hold the camping pad in position anymore (because you stitched it so tightly), cut it apart and use that for the plastic end-holder.

Stuff your gardening gloves with a firm material, like a cut-up Tshirt, and they’ll feel nice and handy and cartoony.  Your plastic hula-hoop end-holder should fit nicely in the glove from thumb to pinkie, and the elastic at the wrist will cinch closed around the fun-noodle nicely.  Make sure the arms have a nice weight to them, and the hands are weighted naturally so they rest easily on people’s body parts:

Feels nice…

Hello…

Fine, then. Be like that. I’m out of here.

You’ll eventually slide your flavor-relevant pantyhose over the brightly colored fun noodle.  It gives a nice skinlike, cakey consistency in addition to keeping the flavor consistent.

Save any scraps from the panty-part of your arm-skin.  You’ll need them for eyelids.  Put your arms aside for now.  You’ll cut arm holes in the cake-tube later.  This paragraph is insane.

The second pair of tights will be worn by you, on your legs, in the boots, in the costume.  Keep them run-free.  Be classy for once.  For me?

Get those amazing double-rainbow suspenders out. Drape them over your shoulders.  Grab a marker.  Now put on the cake.  Like this.

 

Get the cupcake comfortable.  Get the top of the cake about eye-level.  Mark where the suspender ends hang inside the costume, right on the foam.  Take everything off.  Grab that old belt and cut off the buckle.  Cut it into four pieces.  Punch a hole in each corner of each piece.  You’re going to use zip ties to secure the four belt pieces over the marks you made.

Just push the zip ties through the foam and secure ON THE INSIDE.  Trim the ends.  Secure the suspenders to the belt.  Grab your marker and put the cake back on.  Does it feel right?  Remember, you can adjust the suspenders.  Mark the spot you want the arms to jut out from.  Remember, you are holding your arms crossed in front of you, gripping jump rope handles.  Like a power ranger.

Now take it all off and cut the arm holes.  Go small at first.  You want the foam to be tight, holding the arm-noodle in place.  Make the holes bigger until you can squeeze the arm in tightly.

You just cooked the cake.  Now let it cool and get to part two, the frosting!