Time for a little lesson in computers, kids! First stop, social media. This is a friendly type of media. Befriend your chubby, mobile computer.  Most computer programmers have special skills to manage the existential crises of a computer. If your computer threatens to shut down, please, call one of them and trust me, setting the computer on fire doesn’t make you feel better.

Electronic mail is also known as G-Mail. Soon we shall know it as Face-mail, and will deliver it to each other while staring mutely ahead from stainless steel jail cells while robots, the new rulers of earth, drain our energies. We will finally get to wear those all-silver jumpsuits Hollywood has been promising since 1937.

The internet is a series of tubes, connected in cyberspace. You get there by using the information superhighway. Much like unicorns can run across rainbows, information rides a roller coaster to your computer. It’s cool. Don’t challenge it.

When you travel through the internet, please keep your hands and arms inside the magical flying electricity current. You may be struck by a floating grandfather clock or a neon sign depicting infinity.

Little known secret: this happens in your smartphone! Some computer people from the 60’s live out pathetic suburban 60’s future lives while controlling your email and their wife’s goddamn eighteenth dress this month.

So concludes that intimate tour of our grand Internet. Skip the cologne next week, when we explore the tragedy of Pluto, the Little Planet That Wasn’t via interpretive dance ceremony.

Tickets: $45 presale, $55 opening night